


Rotten Luck

by Folle (orphan_account)



Series: Sportacus and Robbie Discover the Secrets of the Universe [3]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Christmas Fluff, IDK BRO, M/M, Yuletide, pls exuse me, yo bruh i was drunk as shit when writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8654899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Folle
Summary: Prompt: Robbie trying to get Sportacus under the mistletoe, but Mr. Flippity-Flop won't stop friggin flippin.Robbie has some trouble getting a drunk sports elf to kiss him at a Christmas party.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by anonymous on tumblr (sportacock).
> 
> Drunk while writing this, wine and vodka are my bestest friends in the whole world.
> 
> Long as shit, like wtf 9 pages long what was i doing.

Despite everyone in Lazy Town hating the cold and snow more than anything else in the world, Robbie was fond of it. It brought him memories of a simpler time; a dark room barely illuminated with a single strand of Christmas lights, cookies on the nightstand, a thick blanket, and a body curled up next to his.

Before moving to Lazy Town, this is how it was. He was never alone on Christmas, and even though he wasn’t close with those people, per say, having a sexy person hand feed you cookies was better than, oh I don’t know, sitting alone in a freezing dimly lit, and soggy underground bunker, with stale cookies he bought on sale a year ago.

There weren’t very many adults in Lazy Town, and he’d rather cut off his chin than spend the night with Mayor Meanswell or Ms. Busybody. On top of that, they both hated his guts for “corrupting the youth”, as if they weren’t already corrupt.

So now instead of being in the lap of luxury, at least in Robbie’s mind, he was alone, cold, and generally miserable for the holidays. But after spending years here, the feeling grew on him, and he was fully prepared to spend this Christmas alone.

That is, until the fateful day when he got his first letter that wasn’t bills in a very long time. Robbie’d never admit it, but he was genuinely excited. Usually, he was prepared for a very large pay bonus near Christmas, out of the kindness of his employers’ heart, but instead he found a baby blue envelope that had his name and address hand written on it. Something about it seemed very familiar, and it caused a stirring in his stomach.

Sportaglop.

That stupid elf was probably sending yet another letter to try and get him to eat healthier, so he grimaced and tossed it on his workbench with the others. That had been his first mistake.

His second was getting up only a minute later to rip open the paper. If it had been a letter about eating healthy, it was usually pinned to his hatch, you know, somewhere he could see it.

“This should be good,” he mumbled to himself, squinting to get a good look at the letter in his hands. Things went interesting enough the last time he got a letter from Sportakook. He was tempted to crack out a bottle of gin, but it was his last bottle and it was ridiculously difficult to get alcohol in LazyTown.

 

>   
>  _Dear Robbie,_
> 
> _Hello! How have you been doing? I have not seen you in town in a few days, and I am worried about you. I don’t know if you’re interested, but the mayor is holding a party for Christmas tomorrow night, and I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me to the party. I have never been to a Christmas party before, and I would very much like to go with my best friend._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Sportacus_
> 
> _P.S. The mayor said he was serving something called eggnog? I have not had it before, is it good? Is it healthy?_

Robbie could help the bubbly laugh and gentle smile that came up. He quickly shook his head and dropped his smile. “Best friends… Sportafool’s still held up on that.”

He wouldn’t ever admit to out loud, and barely to himself, but it felt… nice, to get an invitation to a party. Everyone in town had just assumed since he was an evil villain mastermind, that he didn’t want to ever socialize at parties. But he still felt conflicted over the fact that he received it from Sportaflop.

The elf of his nightmares, his arch nemesis, the man who was absolutely obsessed with all things health, is now apparently infatuated, or at least minorly obsessed with him of all things. And for some reason, he felt so damn giddy about it.

Maybe it was because someone so heroic and pure couldn’t get the evil villain out of his mind. Maybe, it was because it felt good for someone to think he was important.

Or maybe he knew the real reason, deep down, but since he had been repressing those thoughts for so long, the sheer guilt and embarrassment he felt when he even brought up why he felt so happy quickly wiped away those feelings.

Robbie was going to take a nap to think things over, but a loud banging reverberated in his lair, causing his head to throb. He knew the knock, not that he heard it often, and it made his head hurt even more. On his way over, they knocked again. “Hold one, I’m coming!” he yelled, grumbling about inconveniences under his breath.

When he opened the hatch, he wasn’t at all surprised at all to see the blue clad hero standing there. He wasn’t wearing anything different from his usual attire, but there was something about how snowflakes were stuck to his mustache and hat, and the way the fairy lights strung up on the back of the billboard reflected against his skin, that made Robbie’s sour mood soften.

“Robbie!” Sportacus laughed, leaving against the hatch uncomfortably close, hands resting over Robbie’s. The grin on his face could light up a thousand cities. “Are you ready to go to the party? Oh, what a nice sweater you are wearing! It looks very cozy!” It was an ancient sweater, formerly his grandfathers until it was passed down to him. Knitted, red, and with a cheery white snowman on the front.

Robbie rolled his eyes and leaned back against the silo, hastily removing his hands from under the elf’s, and folded them across his chest. “I was under the impression that you wanted to go tomorrow,” he sneered.

Sportacus laughed again, making Robbie feel warmer, even with the chilly winter air blowing over him. “So you did get my letter, that’s wonderful! It is tomorrow Robbie. Come on, let’s go!” He held his hand out to him, who grimaced at it.

“Sportakook, what exactly are you wearing?”

This is what I always wear… Is there something wrong with it?“ Aaand there was that look again. Like someone just burned his airship down.

Robbie rubbed his hand down his face and sighed. “You really haven’t- You know what? Stay here, I’ll be back.”

When Robbie came back, he crawled out of the silo with two things in hand. He set them down on the closed lid, and got to work, first by removing Sportacus’ hat, to which the elf responded by clasping his hands over his ears. The sight of the tousled blonde hair brought immeasurable joy to Robbie. “Put this on,” he said as he shoved something towards Sportacus.

The elf reluctantly took his hands off his ears to grasp the material in his hands. It was a sweater, one that you’d buy from the store, in a deep green, with little cartoon reindeer on the front. He had completely forgotten about his discomfort of his hat being removed, and gleefully put it on.

For the most part, the sweater fit him, although it was a little tight around his chest and arms, and too long. That was quickly remedied by Robbie rolling the sleeves up. To finish it all off, he placed an elves hat on his head, complete with a little bell sewn onto the end of it that jingles whenever Sportacus moved.

“Wha-” he broke down into laughter. “Robbie what is this?”

“Something festive, now come on, we don’t have all night. And I’m only going for the eggnog, so don’t get the wrong idea.” Robbie started heading off in the direction of the mayor’s house.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way Robbie.” Sportacus headed after him, eyes wistfully staring at the man in front of him.

By the time they got there, the party was in full swing. And although no one was all too excited to see Robbie, they forgot all about it the second they saw Sportacus right behind him. They warmly welcomed him into the festivities after the elf whispered to them off to the side. Robbie knew that it was only because Sportacus asked them to, but he didn’t really care after Stephanie led him over to the table covered in both cookies and sportscandy, for Sportacus of course.

“Robbie, I’m so glad you could come! Here, have some eggnog!” The mayor handed him a glass with the milky white drink inside. He took a small sip and sputtered a little.

“I guess you like it strong…”

“Oh I didn’t make it, Ms. Busybody did.”

“Now it makes sense,” he thought to himself. He took a longer sip this time, his throat getting used to the burn.

“Ah, this must be eggnog! Can I have some?”

Robbie cursed into his drink when he saw those giant puppy eyes begging the mayor for a glass of drink.

“I’m sorry Sportacus, but there’s a lot of sugar in this. But you can have some wine, here!” The mayor poured a glass of a deep red wine and handed him the glass.

carefully took a sip and scrunched up his nose. “It is very bitter, but… I think I like it! It has a very odd taste.”

Robbie snorted, and his eyes started to wander around the room as he reached for a cookie on a plate. He was just about to bite into the butterhorn when he noticed it. A little sprig of plant hanging from a doorway. And maybe it was the eggnog already getting to him, or those emotions he’s been pushing down, but a devious plan sprung into mind. Now all he had to do was wait…

It was around an hour later, and both his and Sportacus’ third drink later, and all of his plans had been foiled. He didn’t know how the elf managed it, but he was drunk within the hour. And as if he wasn’t annoying before, he was even worse now, if that was even possible. And Robbie could describe his annoyance in 4 words.

_He. Wouldn’t. Stop. Flipping._

If the mayor hadn’t been such a push over, this would already be over. There were scuff marks on the ceiling, and his hat had been abandoned after the first flip. He was lucky enough that Bazooka Bubblegum had carefully placed it on the coffee table. But now that man was as slippery as a snake.

Robbie’s first attempt was pretending to roll his ankle, and needed help to the bathroom, where the first aid kit was, along with where the entrance way where the mistletoe hung. At first, Sportacus had helped him to the bathroom, but before they could make it near the mistletoe, Bazooka had piped up and offered to take him there and wrap his ankle up. Once they passed through the threshold, she tugged on his arm until he leaned down and then pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“I won’t tell anyone you weren’t hurt.” She giggled and ran back to the party, leaving him reeling and his mouth floundering. He cursed to himself and went back to the party as well.

His next attempt was simple in prospect, but proved to be much more difficult. All he had to do was wait for Sportacus to walk through the passage way, and walk under the same time as he did. But that stupid, infuriating elf decided it would be much more fun flip across the threshold whenever he had to use the bathroom.

The fool would flip right over his head anytime he tried going under the same time as he did. And it was endlessly frustrating, because Sportacus would just laugh anytime Robbie fell to the floor for cover like it was the most hilarious thing in the world.

At this point, Stephanie had filled in the other children on what was going on. At first they had thought it was a riot. Robbie, having a crush on Sportacus? Outright hilarious. At least that’s how the pink menace phrased it. The villain would deny all accusations of a crush, but never of his desire to kiss him.

And so the little brats actually started plotting on how to accomplish this, and- by God Robbie was actually proud of them. If he could get them all to be a little bit more mischievous, they’d be perfect little villains one day.

But even their plans failed. Tying mistletoe to his hair proved easier said than done, along with tying his legs together to get him to stop flipping every five seconds. That one had been an interesting one, as Robbie had to apply rubbing alcohol and band aids to a bunch of sniveling brats who demanded to sit in his lap while he tended to them. He had started to wonder where the mayor was, and why he couldn’t help them, but he had gone missing around the same time as Ms. Busybody, so he assumed the worst, or, er, best.

When the clock struck midnight, and everyone, sans Mr. Flippity Flip, who had moved outside, had gotten tired. All of the kids were sprawled out on the floor in front of the fireplace, snacking on cookies, and sleepily discussing about Christmas, and presents, and what they wanted to be when they were older.

Once the chatter died down, and the only person left awake was Robbie who was sitting on the couch, drinking the eggnog straight from the bottle. He sighed and set the bottle down, heading upstairs and rummaged around in the closet. He clomped back downstairs with five pillows and blankets in arms.

After getting everyone tucked in, he headed back out into the cold. It had been snowing so heavily that all footprints had disappeared. The only lights came from the lamp posts and the moon. The snow was still coming down at a pretty thick rate. And it was then, after taking a deep breath, Robbie headed home with a heavy heart.

He mentally kicked himself. The warmth and happiness from the party had seeped from him the moment he realized that there was no way to get Sportacus to meet him under the mistletoe without him flipping out of the way. He was far too wasted to deny what he felt any more about Sportacus. The warmth he felt in his heart, the way his body felt light and floaty whenever the buffoon smiled at him, and how he had to force himself from smiling back… There was only one explanation…

He shook his head and continued trudging through the snow, wrapping his arms around himself to fight off the biting snow.

He only got to walk for about ten minutes before a warm and heavy hand was placed on his shoulder. Said hand spun him around and hugged him close to the body it belonged to.

“You look very cold Robbie, you should not be out in the snow for so long,” a smooth, accented voice whispered in his ear. Those warm hands stroked and scratched at his back through the worn yarn of his sweater.

“And you should consider getting your hand off of me!” Robbie forcefully shoved Sportacus off of him and puffed his chest out. He tried to not look at Sportacus, but the minute he glanced over and saw his bright red cheeks and matching ear tips and tousled hair, he melted. “I’m fine, I like the cold,” he murmured, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Is that why you live in that bunker? Because it’s cold?” Sportagoof had this giant dopey grin spread across his face as he stared Robbie right in the eyes. “It’s cold in the airship too. I would be happy if my best friend lived with me. If he wanted to, of course.”

Robbie scoffed at the suggestion and stared down at the glittering snow. “Maybe you should think about getting sober before making any suggestions.”

Sportacus’ expression dropped, and he let out a soft ‘oh’ at Robbie’s words. He looked around for a bit, and then suddenly perked up. “If I may, can I make one more suggestion?”

Robbie rolled his eyes and huffed. “It depends. What is it?” he asked.

Sportacus pointed upwards at the lamp they were standing under. And hanging from it was a single spring of mistletoe. Sportacus suddenly grabbed Robbie’s face as soon as he caught eye of it, and pulled him into a soft kiss.

It was a chaste, brief kiss, but to Robbie it was nirvana. His heart clenched, and his eyes fluttered close as soon as their lips met. Sportacus’ lips were smooth, not at all chapped, and were nice and firm. They moved against Robbie’s in a slow, passionate manner before he parted.

“Merry Christmas Robbie.”

And just like that, he was gone.

The villain was in a daze, and managed to stumble back to his lair.

Before climbing into the hatch, he stared up at the airship, which was barely visible through the falling snow.

“You too, Sportacus.”


End file.
